Delicious Feeling

cold night, TV playing softly in the background, lying stretched out with the man I love arm draped lightly across my shoulder, hand lightly pressing, my head on his chest, gentle rise and fall of breathing, slowly I melt into him, my stress evaporating as I breathe in the contentment of the moment.

Me in 88 Words

Incessant Laughings,

Playful Slashings,

Jokes beyond control!

Smiling blushes,

Dingy gushes,

Power overthrow!

Really I'm not all like that;

I'm serious, somber, sad,

thoughtful, gentle, quiet, shy,

pissed off, raving mad.

conservative, liberal, enthusiastic,

passive, aggressive, loud, naive.

Don't try to understand me,

you never will.

I don't understand myself!

Just know that underneath this mess I'm

trusting, loving, loyal.

Given time and God's blessings maybe I'll be able to drop my
protective covering of jokes and laughs and juvenile
behavior...

and let you see past my smile.

original poem by Dee

Wrote this poem in High School...funny thing is that it still fits today!

Tired and Weak

Death is just a whisper away
It hides waiting for me to slip up and fall
I can feel it gripping at my chest
Crushing out my breath
Draining all my strength
I don't want to give in
It has me scared
Not sure of what is happening
Control is out of my hands for the moment.
I can't give it a name or a face. Just know that somehow I am not as
strong as I was
I'm not as strong as I can be and I need to find out why.
I feel like my reserve is gone.
I've been tapping into it and straining it for years.
I am still young.
Why do I feel old?
What have I done to deserve this?
How can I gain back control?
I float along listlessly.
Waiting for something strong to grab hold of
Waiting for relief to come floating by
When will it end?

~original poem by Dee~

Written September 22,2002

Music

Amazing how music
so familiar
reminding you of a time that was lighter
more free
can bring you back to those feelings almost immediately
almost like a transport pod
memories tied in with the beat, words, voices
Instruments screaming your joy, pain, fear, tragedy

Amazing how music
can stop you in your tracks
frozen in fear
caught in a memory
you thought was long gone
Amazing how music can elevate, depress, incite passion, bring joy and
paralyze you
all in one day.

Amazing the feeling of a beat that commands you to dance!
That doesn't allow you to sit
amazing to hear a voice crystal clear singing to your heart
and to love more than you thought possible just for that 4 minute song
amazing how it causes impulsive behavior
makes you feel alive
and brings new understanding of yourself to light.

Amazing.........

Why so some have relationship troubles? Change is Difficult

I don't think that relationships per say are
difficult. I think that change is difficult......some people
handle it better than others. The ones that can't handle
change well tend to go through more anxiety and self
doubt when they are entering into a new relationship.
This causes a lot of the problems and
misunderstandings that frequently plague a new relationship. "oh
no, he hasn't called in a couple of days, does he
still like me?" or "this is moving too fast, gotta slow
it down!"

People who can't handle change well
seem to get more deeply scarred when relationships
end....mostly cuz they've held on way too long when they
shoulda walked away! (they were afraid of the
change!)

Then there's the people that can take life in stride
and gracefully move through changes. They are the
ones that people may label impetuous, wearing their
hearts on their sleeves, loving too freely,
impulsive...............look at it for what it is ........a strength, not a
weakness. You will never know if a love is meant to be
unless you go for it and experience it!

I'm not saying that people aren't shitty and that they won't
take advantage of you. Of course you have to use your
judgement and be careful about who you associate
with....but chances are if you are going on a date with
someone you have already put them through a screening
process. Once you make up your mind that you like someone
why bother wasting time with fears doubts and
insecurities.

Live life with your heart on your sleeve! It may bleed
easier, but the scars won't be as deep!

Original post February 20th, 2002

New Beginnings

Like a fragile drop of dew hanging on the edge of a leaf
My heart hangs precariously glistening wet with the blood of vulnerability
The protective coating shorn away…….open for all to see
Slowly it spreads it’s wings gently fanning as it dries.
It has been in a cocoon, hiding, healing, growing, changing.
Waiting for the right moment to emerge again.
Dreaming of the day when sunshine, warmth and happiness
Will allow it to fly free dancing on the breeze
The colors become bright and vivid on the drying wings
They smooth and unfurl reaching towards the sky
Taking that first brave leap into the unknown
Faltering, Fluttering, gaining momentum….it’s a start!

~original poem by Dee~*~January 31, 2002~

This poem was inspired by the start of my new relationship with Kelly.  :-) 

Waiting for a Dream

I've been waiting for a dream
someone that understands me
before i speak
someone that listens to me
with understanding
someone that believes in me
and what i do
Someone that shares with me
unbounded energy
Someone that touches me
with his words
Someone that reaches for me
with his heart
Someone that looks right through
to my soul

I'm not asking for much.......am I?

Original poem by Dee
January 20, 2002 (4 days after Kelly and I met in person for the first time).  :-)